I want to share a recent realization I had in therapy that I think will help people.

This is more for people that suffer from some sort of psychological trauma, that have problems regulating their behavior / actions. For people that are very reactive and allow their emotions to dictate their behavior and moods. I often wrestle with not knowing if the way I’m conducting myself or the way I’m approaching a situation is the “right” way – and/or wondering how much I’m allowing my emotions to get the better of me.

My therapist asked a simple question that helped me find a way that one can gauge that. An example is: if I wanted to bite someones head of in Freemasonry how would I approach that and conduct myself? The answer for me is that i wouldn’t and would approach it in a very controlled/calm yet assertive manner. Now, when asked the same question about a situation that is very emotionally triggering, like if I wanted to bite someone’s head off that is close to me, I used to do just that – just irrationally fly off the handle.

I was worried if I was handling a situation correctly that was very emotionally triggering. My therapist knows that I’m very much in my element in Freemasonry, that I’m kind of the best man I can be when functioning in my capacity as a Freemason. So, when I was concerned about how I was approaching my family, her asking that simple question of “how would you conduct yourself in Freemasonry?”, I realized my approach and behavior to conflict is consistent across multiple dimensions in my life. I am conducting myself the same in Freemasonry as I do at work, as I do at home, as I do with my family, etc.

Now, this still doesn’t mean I’m “right”, but it does show that I’m no longer being ruled by my emotions. It shows the level of control I have over myself, in even the most emotionally triggering situations. This realization is HUGE and empowering for me. It’s a big shift in my psyche that I haven’t noticed.

So, if you want to know if you’re approaching emotionally triggering situations from place more rooted in logic and reason, ask yourself: what would I do in a different environment (work, home, school, sports, etc.)?
If your rational approach is the same across multiple dimensions in your life you know you’re being consitent, which would indicate that you’re not being as reactive and ruled by your emotions. If you’re approaching sort of the “same” problem, in different areas of your life, in different ways, you’re likely being controlled by your emotions instead of logic and reason.

Logic and reason is not the default way our brains function. Our brains have adapted very powerful, automatic survival teqhniques to the contrary. You should try and make sure you’re keeping a consistent logic in all aspects of your life.