Posted on by Kyle Roques

My Installation Ceremony

This event is something that I’m still processing.

This officer Installation ceremony that I organized, coordinated, and took part in — marks a now 167-year tradition in the St. Louis and St. Charles region. That alone is enough to leave me speechless.


I am someone who came from a broken childhood. I grew up as an awkward, timid, meek, and confused child, with low self-esteem and low self-worth. I never thought that I deserved any positive acknowledgment for anything that I did. This shaped me into a loner and a thug. Someone with almost zero emotional regulation (who would act on my rage regularly). From my teens into early adulthood (under 21), I didn’t think that I deserved to be proud of myself or of anything that I ever did. I treated myself like I was evil and a monster that needed to be caged and beat into proper order (which I still believe there’s some truth to). Looking back, although I didn’t see it at the time, I had very little control over my life. I was on autopilot, hiding from the pain. Acting out of anger and rage from the hurt and scared little boy that was buried inside me.


Fast forward to now: I am a well-loved, respected, state recognized Freemason who has been in the fraternity for a short five years. Someone with a true brotherhood. Someone who has built a temple of love and light around me (obviously not something I could have done alone).


When I was young, I used to think that power was everything you see glorified in a gangster’s lifestyle, including using violence to intimidate and get your way, being manipulative and shady, using illegal ways to make money, drug and alcohol abuse, going out and looking for trouble, etc. I found out (the hard way) that none of that is power. That’s just an insecure, scared, and weak boy, eroding his soul because he’d rather fight the world than deal with his demons. True power is someone who can regulate their emotions and be in control. Someone educated who can articulate their thoughts, wants, needs, feelings, and ideas. Someone who moves forward in life with love and understanding. Someone whose mere presence has the ability to calm, soothe, and uplift other souls.


So, to go from being a troubled child, to a petty thug, to being a man who has the ability to move (touch the hearts of) a room of over 70 people (many to tears) with my words and actions (just by being myself) is something of such profound significance that I truly just cannot understand. It’s still not registering to me that I have this power, that this is my life, that I am this man. My trauma kicks in and tells me that I do not deserve this at all. I know that’s not wholly true, but there is some truth to it. So, every day I strive to be the man that Freemasonry sees and rewards.
Despite the essay above, I am at a loss for words. Without a doubt, I will be processing this day for the rest of my life.


If you look at these pictures, you’ll see a man who reflects and radiates what has been given to him, a man with his heart full, who has only just begun to step into his power.

Posted on by Kyle Roques

The Craft

Freemasonrys secrecy is like a well. The men who built it know how deep it is. The rest of us can only peer over the wall that surrounds it and wonder. While we gaze downwards at the water, speculating on what might lurk below the black surface, it reflects back our anxieties. That, in essence, is why the craft has generated misunderstanding, suspicion, and hostility at every step.

Yet, until recently, Freemasons insisted on treating their history as confidential – a matter for masons alone. Cowans were refused access to the archives and libraries of Grand Lodges. Then, a generation ago, the wisest brothers realized that Masonic history is too important to be the exclusive property of the initiated. Because Freemasonry has had a role in shaping our world, its history belongs to us all. These days, professional historians who are not Freemasons are a familiar site in the archives of Grand Lodges. Their work, supplementing and challenging the efforts of the best Masonic historians, has maped out an exciting and ever growing field of investigation. One of the aims of this book is to bring some of that research to a much bigger audience.

John Dickie
Posted on by Kyle Roques

The New World Order!?

New world order!?!?

The society Freemasonry has created is very different from the rest of society. Freemasonry is a beautiful system of morals, veiled in allegory and illustrated by symbols. 

In my experience – in regards to how we engage with and treat each other – what is “normal”/expected, and/or commonplace in Freemasonry, completely differs from the rest of society. Out in the world, even among the people closest to us, we typically do not get much feedback from the people around us. Most people aren’t very good at communicating “where they stand” with you on a regular basis. In Freemasonry, this feedback is constant. 

You always know where people stand with you – either directly or indirectly. Indirectly, by how they engage with you, and/or how they show up for you (both figuratively and literally). Directly, by giving you explicit feedback. Just coming right out and telling you. This constant feedback is completely different than anything I’ve ever engaged with in the world. With my childhood trauma, it is very healing for me in ways I can’t explain. 

Below, I’m going to list what is “normal” / common / expected /  encouraged in Freemasonry:

  • Recognition – explicitly recognizing people for what they have done, for showing up, for their work, their deeds, for how they treat people – recognizing people for who they are.
  • Validation – this partly ties in with recognition. Freemasons validate your emotional needs by recognizing who you are, the best parts of you, your true self. Freemasons listen intently, they hear you, see you, validating your thoughts and feelings (no matter whether you’re “right” or “wrong”).
  • Compliment – it’s common and encouraged (by example) to compliment others. For their looks, their dress, their work, their behavior, for who they are, etc. Freemasons also compliment you by working alongside you. 
  • Encouragement – tying in with recognition, validation, and compliments Freemasons encourage you to be your best self. They encourage you to show up, find your interests, cultivate your skills, and pursue your aspirations. 
  • Reward – freemasons reward you for everything I’ve been going over above. It is the most rewarding environment I’ve ever been in or witnessed. They reward you indirectly by continually giving you all this feedback – by recognition, validation, compliment, and encouragement. They also reward you directly with awards – shout outs, trophies, certificates, honors, preferment, etc. 
  • Protection/security – we guard the fraternity against people who would seek to disrupt the peace and harmony that prevails among us. We watch over each other both physically and emotionally. We secure our relationships. Bind them with the mortar of brotherly love, each and every one of us. We call ourselves brothers and are treated as such.
  • Help – we help each other when called upon, and we aren’t afraid to ask for help.
  • Acceptance – we accept people as they come. We don’t try to change them or get them to conform. We just aim to cultivate their inner light, no matter what that may look like. 

Freemasons are kind, loving, gentle, considerate, warm, inviting, thoughtful, giving, strong, honorable, and respectful. 

We try. We give a shit. We live with intent and purpose. We know how short and fragile life is. We conduct ourselves accordingly. We separate ourselves from what is toxic (to me, you, or society). We attract what is most important in life, bring it in, hold it close, fight for it. 

All this, mind you, in a male fraternity. Men from 18 to 90+ years old. Yes, even the grouchy “boomer” type men. Whether they are right wing, left wing, or anything in between. 

This is how real men treat each other. We are the example. “We make good men, better”… this is what better looks like.

We’ve been around longer than the United States. Our principles, ideals, and morality is the thread of life that has strung through and advanced society since the beginning of time. Our goal is to reduce unnecessary suffering in the world and advance society by empowering and providing the individual with the necessary tools and space to bring their light out into the world.

This is the new world order.

Posted on by Kyle Roques

Universal Law

The law of polarity is a constant in the universe. Something the sages have been dispensing to us for 1000s of years. A scientific reality we have discovered fairly recent. Nothing can exist without its opposite. You can’t have light without dark, good without bad, pain without pleasure, force without resistance, etc.

What I (and many wise thinkers of the past) feel our ‘spiritual’ purpose is on this earth is to experience this polarity. Whether or not you believe this, it’s a reality that we live in and can’t avoid.
We’re sort of taught, and/or conditioned, that the dark stuff is not as worthy as the good. That the dark should be hidden or shamed away. But that is literally half of our spiritual purpose in this realm, to experience all of this – to experience the entire spectrum of human emotion.

Many have a problem with experiencing a richness in life – experiencing true love, true gratitude, true happiness. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel the depths without judgement, to go to the darkest places, to run from our hurt, pain and sadness, it prevents us from being able to fully feel the positive aspects of life.

In my life, I have only experienced the overwhelming positive by embracing, fully, the darkest most painful parts of me. So, if you’re having an issue of fullfillment, of not feeling the richness of the overwhelming positive in life, increase your capacity to feel by allowing yourself to fully feel the dark/heavier parts you’ve been avoiding/tucking away.

Grief is a good example that forces a lot of people to recognize this. Many feel gratitude, love, and a richness in life they’ve never felt before only after a loved one has passed – grief is intrusive like that. But you don’t have to wait for a loved one to pass for this to happen. In fact, you should do this now so that you (and everyone around you) can all benefit from this overwhelming/outpouring of positive you will experience by opening your capacity to fully feel the depths. Fulfilling your spiritual purpose in this regard is a positive feed back loop that creates more fullfillment, I promise.

Posted on by Kyle Roques

Mystery School’s – What Are They?

“Mystery School’s, the ancient Mysteries, Mystery traditions” – what does “Mystery” mean, and why is it sometimes capitalized?

I had the question myself the first time I heard the term. I use the term often when speaking about Freemasonry and it’s a term you’ll see often when studying esoteric/occult teachings. It’s definition is quite vast and can’t really be articulated, but I’ll attempt to be as succinct as possible here, with a few quotes to aid in understanding.

Taken from Wiki:
“Mystery religions, mystery cults, sacred mysteries or simply mysteries, were religious schools of the Greco-Roman world for which participation was reserved to initiates (mystai). The main characterization of this religion is the secrecy associated with the particulars of the initiation and the ritual practice, which may not be revealed to outsiders.”

“A ‘mystery’, as it was originally defined in ancient Greece and used in the Orphic and Eleusinian mystery schools, is a type of divine revelation that can only be conveyed by experience and is incomprehensible to reason. The revelation initiates or begins a cognitive change in the recipient – also known as the initiate – that alters the way he or she sees and interacts with the world. It is not based on information or even feelings and therefore, it cannot be put into words.” – Kirk C. White

Simply put, what all Mystery schools have in common, is that they just offer a circumstance dedicated to giving the necessary space one needs to start to understand who they really are, for one to discover their real Self. So it’s the study of the Self, as an individual endeavor, and cannot be learnt/learned from anything/anyone outside of yourself.

Some of the documented, original, most ancient Mystery School’s that some may know are the Greco-Roman Mysteries (ie. Eleusinian, Samothracian, Mithriac, Dionysian, etc.)

Historically, “Their primary mission was to protect and preserve the ancient systems of enlightenment, healing, manifestation, transmutation and transformation so that they can be continually used by humanity for its collective progression. Mystery School teachings are imparted by an oral tradition. Rooted in shamanic and mystic ways of wisdom, these teachings are handed down unbroken from teacher to student in an unbroken lineage that has withstood the test of time. … To understand GOD, we must first understand ourselves who were made in their image. Mystery schools exist to empower us to ‘Know Thyself’.

As you can see, the term Mystery, when used to speak about the ancient tradition of the Mystery School’s, is not defined as most people use the word ‘mystery’ today.
Hopefully this helps one to understand what the ancient Mysteries are and what the Mystery School’s impart. But like I stated above, the “Mysteries” can only be known and felt by the individual. No one can explain to you what it is. You have to have direct contact with diety to truly understand.

Posted on by Kyle Roques

Opulence

The Freemasonic ritual is intended to be a spiritually transformative experience. The initiatic aspect of Freemasonry is “intended to actually change the candidate; a rebirth with a new cognitive frame that allows him to see that he could not before – to behold the ‘mysteries’ of Freemasonry and not just the secrets.”

W.L. Wilmhurst writes:
“The purpose of initiation may be defined as follows: – it is to stimulate and awaken the candidate to direct cognition and irrefutable demonstration of facts and truths of his own being about which previously he has been either wholly ignorant or only notionally informed; It is to bring him into direct conscious contact with the Realities underlying the surface images of things, so that, instead of holding merely beliefs or opinions about himself, the universe and God, he is directly and convincingly confronted with truth itself; And finally it is to move him to become the Good and the Truth revealed to him by identifying himself with it.”

Part of how we make good men better is by this process of initiation. Which, when done right, fundamentally changes the way our brothers see, think, and act in the world. Mircea Eliade has this to say about the initiation process: “…the novice emerges from the ordeal endowed with a totally different being from that which he possessed before his initiation; he has become another.”

This is what happened to me when I was Initiated, Passed, and Raised through the fraternity. This is the main reason I stay active in the lodge, because this was so transformative and important to me. So now I am paying it forward to give new canindates the same experience. Because without me, new, and veteran Masons conferring these rituals, Freemasonry dies.

I get to take part in these initiations on a regular basis. I regularly have new canindates personally thank me and tell me that I helped in spiritually transforming them (since I typically perform very critical and involved roles) – as my brothers did for me when I was a new canindate. I’ve seen the transformations, sometimes even the very moment of epiphany.

This brings me a level of joy that I never knew existed. My life has never been more meaningful. I have never had so much direction, drive, and determination. I have never felt so powerful and strong. I have never been so happy. Words cannot convey my feelings. At the very least, all I can say is that all these feelings are felt with an intensity I never knew existed.

I now know the reason the Mystery School tradition has been passed down for 1000s of years. And I couldn’t be more honored to keep it alive and well.

Posted on by Kyle Roques

Operative Freemasonry

…Freemasonry is exceptional. That is, I believe that Freemasonry is something special. It isn’t the same as the Rotary, Lions, or any other civic group. Nor is it equivalent to your bowling team. It is a very specific system designed to effect the moral and spiritual transformation of its members. When done conciously and properly, it should actually change the men who join. It should set them in a lifelong journey of spiritual, moral, and mental growth that the average person can’t get anywhere else.

Kirk C. White
Posted on by Kyle Roques

Freemasonic Worship

It was a huge honor and quite the experience for me to work side by side with Missouri’s Most Worshipful Grand Master and other Grand Lodge officers, in this temple.

Since it’s relevant, and I’m sure many have the question, as did I, I’d like to clarify and explain the naming convention of “Worshipful Master” we use in Freemasonry.
Firstly, we do not worship any man. The term Worshipful comes from ancient England and was an honorary title that simply meant “respected” in the past. The structure of each individual lodge/temple consists of a Worshipful Master at the top and a few offers that support him. Basically, the WM (Worshipful Master) serves as the chief officer and oversees all lodge functions, lodge officer duties, and presides over each lodge meeting. He ultimately has the last say on matters but we are all considered equal.

Now, if you define worship as what most people see in the Abrahamic religions (ie. singing, prayer, sermon, praising God directly, etc.), I’d say Freemasons do not worship anyone or anything period. I know this was my definition of worship, basically just praising/kneeling to God directly in different ways.

My definition of worship has expanded though. If you define worship as: a wwide-rangedavenue to give adoration and respect to diety, a personal act of the heart rather than outward actions, and that worship can be expressed in all areas of life –
then you could argue we do worship.

But I would say what we worship more specifically isn’t diety per se, but the divine spark that resides in each of us. So worshipping the sanctity and power of the individual. Something I clearly support and stand behind.

So long story short: Missouri has many individual temples/lodges (city to city), in each, a Worshipful Master presides over it. Each state in the U.S. has a Grand Lodge, which is the overarching governing body over all the individual lodges in the state and functions just as the rest of the lodges do. So, the Grand Lodge’s Worshipful Master title is “Most Worshipful Grand Master.”

Posted on by Kyle Roques

Freemasonry and Healing Trauma – Analogy/Metaphor

Since I’ve been quiet with my blog post/writing lately I’d like to explain why. Most of the content for my blog post come from the books I read and I was reading at least 5 days a week. I haven’t really been reading much due to the time I’m investing into Freemasonry. Instead of reading, in the last 7 months, I’ve learned the bulk of all 3 degree ceremonies. I’ve learned the lines and floor work for big roles in these plays – a total of around 5k-6k words in different chunks. This includes learning/mastering a 3,000 word lecture (20+ consecutive mins of talking). The ceremonies don’t really change so once you learn everything then you’re set and can perform in all the ceremonies. I’m trying to get to that point.


With books, it’s easy to extract information from what you’re reading. The insights I’m gaining from Freemasonry come much slower. Partly because right now I’m too busy learning lines, floor work,  getting over nerves, etcetera to extract deep meaning from the teachings. You really have to get proficient and confident with the ceremonies to be able to focus on extracting deeper meaning from them. What I’m learning is also very repetitive, so I’m not really learning anything “new” so to speak. The information comes slower but, perhaps, more rewarding. Such is the nature of any esoteric teachings but more so with Freemasonry than any other esoteric teachings I’ve engaged with.


There is something very profound about Freemasonry that I’ve uncovered with my therapist about what Freemasonry is doing for me. One of the core aspects of counseling is that the therapy session is a safe place you can express your feelings/emotions and explore your thoughts/desires. A safe place to speak your truth – safe meaning both physically and emotionally. 
This is one reason I advocate for everyone needing therapy. We have to have a safe place to explore our minds openly. Most people use their spouse, friend, family, and the like for their safe place(s). But there is nothing like having a professional to help you better navigate your internal world. 


In mitigating trauma, having a safe place is absolutely essential for healing and growth. This safe place allows you to explore your trauma in a healthy and controlled way. Instead of your triggers controlling your thoughts and behavior. Because when you’re in that state, it’s almost impossible to explore your feelings in any constructive way.


One of the roadblocks I face right now, in relation to therapy and my personal development, is that underneath my anger/rage I have a fear driving those emotions. I know this logically, but I can’t explore the fear underlying my rage. I can’t explore my fear because I do not physically feel it in my body at all. I really need to be able to explore my anger and fear in the moment, which is really hard to do. This is because not too many things trigger this emotion, and when it does, it puts me in a state of fight or flight so I’m not thinking cognitively to watch it.
Freemasonry is very nerve-racking for me. With performing in the ceremonies you have to speak/lecture to strangers while looking them in the eye, while a crowd is watching you, knowing that everyone is criticizing your every word and action. It’s very much out of my comfort zone. The fear I feel when performing is the closest feeling I’ve ever gotten to my anger/rage feeling, while still being in control. 


With all that in mind, Freemasonry is giving me a safe place that I can explore my fear. A place that I can conquer, master, and get curious with my fear. They say metaphor and analogy are the key to life. This Freemasonry fear analogy is helping me to unlock my fear and empower myself. I think this is a big reason why I enjoy Freemasonry so much. 
So find small and manageable ways to explore your trauma via analogy. This is how you “sit with your demons”, talk to them, ask them questions, find out what they want/need so you can integrate them into your being – shadow work essentially. There is a lifetime of secrets to unlock in Freemasonry and I’m just hitting the tip of the iceberg. 

Posted on by Kyle Roques

Masonic Archeology

It is true that Freemasonry is the parent of all religion, the original worldwide cosmic gnosis, diffused in ancient times to the uttermost ends of the earth. Freemasonry is the Pompeii of prehistoric science. All the Masonic ritual, it’s Egyptian signs, it’s Chaldean grips, it’s Sanskirt passwords, is ancient Hebrew symbols, it’s cabalistic allusions and its historical records are supremely scientific and a survival through long ages, by various underground channels, of the knowledge of the universe which was gained by Sabian astronomers from the temple tops of Chaldea, India and China and recorded by the equally learned geometers and mathematicians of the ancient Orient.

Frank C. Higgins